Pretty ugly

I feel so ugly.

I hate trying to look my best.

Thinking that I look good in my favorite outfit, that I maybe look a bit thinner.

Confident.

It's all bullshit.

My mind lies to me.

I've been seeing pictures and videos of myself lately and I hate what I see.

My parents tell me I'm pretty, and that if I lost weight I'd be prettier.

I hate my friends sometimes because they tell me I'm not fat at all.

Fucking hate them for that, because they're either blind of lieing to me, and since it's obvious that they can see just fine, it means that they are lieing. Just fucking tell me the truth.

I don't think I'm pretty at all. Sure people tell me I have pretty eyes, and I believe that.

I just wish my eyes were all everyone saw.

This time Baby

Hey, so lately not much has happened. I'm still at around 170. I just can't seem to get myself to go out and excercise after school like I used to. So much school work. I need to get back into being motivated, I think thats it. I lost my motivation.

Anyways, I'm also trying to eat better. I saw a video, which I can't find anymore) where this girl was explaining her diet plan. Basicaly she started out replacing all drinks with water. So, im thinking, okay let me do that for two weeks. Just drinking water instead of soda and juice. Except maybe orange juice in the morning. Then she continues that but after those two weeks she starts to not eat starchy foods. So after two weeks I will keep just drinking water and then try not to eat any bread, especially, and only eat special K cereal. I think I will also make my own plan, for after another two weeks I'll take away foods that are unhealthy, depeding on what my mom cooks and what not.

But I really need to go out and excercise, I really feel like Im wasting each day when I don't go out and ride my bike or walk. When I do go out, I feel so complete. I love that feeling.