I'm so happy

It's been a while since I last checked my blog, or posted, and pardon me for that. I've been very busy and somewhat stressed with school work. Which also makes me sad to say that I've had no time to go out and excercise for about 2 weeks I think? Ugh.

Anyways, yesterday I went to publix with my parents, aaand I decided to get on the scale, mostly because at that moment there was no one around but an old man, haha.

I was so happy to see that my weight has gone down to 173, from 179/180.

It really made me feel great, especially after I was feeling so shitty and upset with myself the day before.

Now I have set my next goal to weighing 165.

Tonight

I just got back from walking, and I feel great. I almost didn't go because I still have homework to do, but it was worth it. I guess I shall be staying up late tonight. Bah.

Man I need a weighing scale. I need to know what my weight is. Arg.
I hate weighing myself on the publix scales, my mom always tells me to get on but I just walk right out. I hate doing that with people passing by, it's not even that much that they'lle see how much I weigh, it's just people seeing me on it, I feel like your kind of putting yourself on a spotlight?

:C

I already told my mom, she said she told my dad to get one...I'm waiting.

As soon as I weigh myself. I shall post that up, and my goal weights and other things. Maybe body shots? and I also decided that when I do reach my final goal weight, that I will post up a full picture of me, and reveal my identity! :D, but for now...I am just a mystery. :]


I wish I could drink coffee tonight, man I'm going to need it.

<3

Nothing tastes as good as thin feels

I find these quotes to be very motivating.

I'm going change and go out and jog for a bit.

<3

(heres the link to the actual picture if you'd like to see it bigger)
http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e233/Emizle/Quotes/Thin.jpg

A terrible day In my Favorite store.

I remember walking into Forever21 with my mom, and picking out all these dresses I liked, because I needed a dress for some special occasion. All dresses I picked were a size large, ofcourse. They were all so gorgeous.

But when I walked into the fitting room, and started trying them on, only to see that none of them would fit, that I just couldn't get that last step done, zipping it up, I cried. I was so angry. I even had my mom help me, but the darn zipper just wouldn't go up.
I was so aggravated and broken at that moment, that I grabbed a dress and pulled at it, until the cloth beneath the zipper ripped.I didn't even feel bad, I didn't care that I just ripped the dress. I kept saying, how is it that none of these large size dresses fit me, why can't they make these dresses in extra large as well. I know they have a extra large size section in there, which if I may add, at my mall, that section is tiny, and I can't find the same dresses in there. I thought that they were just so inconsiderate.

I just walked out of there, my mom trailing behind, she kept calling to me, but I kept walking because I was so angry, and I was about to cry, and I knew that I wasn't going to be able to hold the tears back for long. I didn't want people passing by me and seeing that I was crying.

That was such a terrible moment.

Ugh.

Find the motivation within yourself.

P.s Scroll down towards the bottom, and on the right you will find my music player, pause it if you need to.

Fasting

I started February first. The reason not being to lose weight, it's actually something not related to my weight at all. I guess I could say It's for a more spiritual reason. But I know it's helping too.
I've been doing pretty well, just eating fruits and veggies and other things, and of course lots of water. Though I say fruits and veggies, and perhaps broccoli and apples come to your mind, there's a great variety of things I can eat. I'm eating organic ezekiel breadhttp://www.masterjules.net/ezekiel49bread.jpg with organic peanut butter and jelly. Fiber one cereal with soy milk and mmm added bananas and strawberries.

Today I made a flat bread veggie taco, and it was so darn good.
I boiled up some broccoli, cut up tomatoes, used some beans that were part of a chili I made for my little sibling, and put it all together on the flat bread and poured on a little bit of sauce from the chili, it filled me up, but not the way when you eat a plate of pasta, or some big meal with meat in it. It was a good feeling, I was full, but I didn't feel fat. yay!

So far I've decided to continue this fast until the end of march just for the purpose that I'm doing it for. But It sure is helping to change the way I eat, and what I eat, and perhaps it'll stick with me.

Horrifying

I don't want to be this. How can anyone want to look like this? This isn't beautiful, this is ghastly,deadly,disgusting. This is going too far.

I just want to be at a weight that I feel pleased with myself. Do these girls think they look beautiful? Are they honestly pleased with themselves? It makes me sad to see girls like this.
I want to feel good about myself, confident, healthy, not afraid to move, or do things because of how I look. To wear anything I want and not be self-concious. I still want meat on my bones, I don't think you have to be extremely thin to look cute, or gorgeous.

The start.

Like many others out there, I have a goal,to reach a desired weight. I am overweight.

My goal right now is to lose 54 pounds.

I'm not sure what my weight is right now, but if I remember correctly, the last time I weighed myself, being about a month ago, I was at around 179 pounds, and by the way my height is 5ft 3 in. I've been eating healthier lately and doing some excercise atleast 3 times a week, when I can. This past week I did not excercise because I had so much homework and other things to do. That is another thing that I intend to change. I want to be able to balance my schoolwork and other things, with my fitness time.

I'm mostly doing this to become healthier, although self-esteem certainly plays a part, I'm mostly thinking of my future. I don't want to be an unhealthy person my whole life, and I want to take advantage of my time right now as a highschooler to change my eating and excercise habits, I've been told that weight loss gets harder as an adult, and although I wish I'd had been more motivated before to do this, I guess it's never too late.

My parents encourage me alot, and my mom cooks pretty healthy meals.

But beside their encouragement, I'm looking to be encouraged by others, and be part of all those girls out there that are on this journey to meet their desired weight. I'm not just here to talk about losing weight, but to also help and encourage other girls like me, to not focus so much on what the world sees as beautiful, but to discover that no matter how they look, they are beautiful as well. I don't think weight loss is just about changing the way you look on the outside, but also about changing the way you think and feel about yourself.

I'd love to hear to about you, and share thoughts, tips, and anything else that would help me and you reach our goals, I'd love to get to know others as well in this process.

You can call me Lili.

This is the start.