Blah

I've been so busy lately, filled with work, testing and such things that i've had no time to even check my blog or excercise. -tear-
I'm afraid that I may have gained back a few pounds, after going down to 171.
I tried during my spring break to get up at 6 am to go for a jog...but I never imagined it'd be so hard. The first day I woke up and said, ok it's raining so I can't go out, but the following days, I kept waking up and going back to sleep. Ugh, fail. It's even harder to wake up at 5 am to go jog befor school, I just can't. I decided that I'm going to try waking up at 6 am just on the weekends and as soon as I'm done with all this busyness and important work, I'll get back to walking after I get home from school. I really wanted to have lost at least 20 pounds for this even coming up...but that didn't happen. It's all good though, I'm not going to hate myself...as much as I feel like it. I'm going to try doing some excercises in my room every night before going to bed. It'll at least clear my concious, haha.

I appreciate everyone whos following my blog and commenting, thank you guys for your support. I love you all.

<3

To sum it up.

I was really hoping to get some comments and advice on my last post, but nothing yet.

Maybe it was just so long that it made you not want to read it.
I understand, sometimes I do this too.

Well, basically my question was if you think it would be a good idea to go out and excercise int he morning before school? and how I can motivate myself to wake up at that time.

Help

Well, again I haven't posted in a while, I've just had so much to do. Blah.
I haven't had time to excerxise either and this scares me because I feel that I may have gained back atleast some of the weight that I lost, even if it wasn't much. My mom even said so. -tear- haha kidding, well I won't let that bring me down.


So there's something I've thought about before but never enough to really decide to do it. I'd just really like to try excercising before school. Just going for a walk/jog. Though I'm supposed to wake up around 6:00 am for school and catch my bus at 6:40...But i really wasn't to try. I searched this up and found that it's a good thing to do because It'll give you more energy throughout the day, and you'll be burning of fat instead of carbs that you ate during the day. But I don't know what time i should wake up for it...I really want to do this right now too, I haven't gone to bed yet thinking about this, and I had to post. Maybe if I wake up around 5:00 am walk/jog until 5:30-ish ...then I'd have to shower, Ugh but I'd have to wash my hair, and I don't want to go to school with wet hair because when it dries it's all floofy and wierd.

But I don't know, I think it would be worth It, if it's going to make me feel energetic during the day I'd rather that. Lately I've been feeling somewhat crappier in school, because I just put whatever on, and though I look decent, and everytime I walk to my next class I just think to myself, I don't care what anyone sees me as right now, physically I mean, This is how I am for now, I can't change from one day to another, so right now I don't care, I just want to get through the day and Next year will be different, because I'm trying, even if sometimes I can't try hard enough, I'm not going to let this year and this summer pass by again with me being the same and not reaching my weight loss goal.

I've had alot in mind lately, I have so much to say, for the first time I've felt really confused with myself and what I'm doing with my life. I kinda laughed because It's something you usually hear in some teen movie or novel right? hah.

I'm just trying to get things organized, in my head, in school,spiritualy. But the problem is I don't even know where to start. I wish I could just let go, leave it all to the will of God, whom I believe in strongly. But that I don't even know how to do.


Great, I completely forgot It was raining...Well I'm going to set up my alarm for 4:55 anyways, if it's still raining by then I guess I won't go...of course.
And If I do, please pray I don't get Jumped or anything bad along those lines.

I hope you'll understand everything I've said, even if it doesn't quite make sense, right now I could care less, I;m just saying it all as I think.

<3

I'm so happy

It's been a while since I last checked my blog, or posted, and pardon me for that. I've been very busy and somewhat stressed with school work. Which also makes me sad to say that I've had no time to go out and excercise for about 2 weeks I think? Ugh.

Anyways, yesterday I went to publix with my parents, aaand I decided to get on the scale, mostly because at that moment there was no one around but an old man, haha.

I was so happy to see that my weight has gone down to 173, from 179/180.

It really made me feel great, especially after I was feeling so shitty and upset with myself the day before.

Now I have set my next goal to weighing 165.

Tonight

I just got back from walking, and I feel great. I almost didn't go because I still have homework to do, but it was worth it. I guess I shall be staying up late tonight. Bah.

Man I need a weighing scale. I need to know what my weight is. Arg.
I hate weighing myself on the publix scales, my mom always tells me to get on but I just walk right out. I hate doing that with people passing by, it's not even that much that they'lle see how much I weigh, it's just people seeing me on it, I feel like your kind of putting yourself on a spotlight?

:C

I already told my mom, she said she told my dad to get one...I'm waiting.

As soon as I weigh myself. I shall post that up, and my goal weights and other things. Maybe body shots? and I also decided that when I do reach my final goal weight, that I will post up a full picture of me, and reveal my identity! :D, but for now...I am just a mystery. :]


I wish I could drink coffee tonight, man I'm going to need it.

<3

Nothing tastes as good as thin feels

I find these quotes to be very motivating.

I'm going change and go out and jog for a bit.

<3

(heres the link to the actual picture if you'd like to see it bigger)
http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e233/Emizle/Quotes/Thin.jpg

A terrible day In my Favorite store.

I remember walking into Forever21 with my mom, and picking out all these dresses I liked, because I needed a dress for some special occasion. All dresses I picked were a size large, ofcourse. They were all so gorgeous.

But when I walked into the fitting room, and started trying them on, only to see that none of them would fit, that I just couldn't get that last step done, zipping it up, I cried. I was so angry. I even had my mom help me, but the darn zipper just wouldn't go up.
I was so aggravated and broken at that moment, that I grabbed a dress and pulled at it, until the cloth beneath the zipper ripped.I didn't even feel bad, I didn't care that I just ripped the dress. I kept saying, how is it that none of these large size dresses fit me, why can't they make these dresses in extra large as well. I know they have a extra large size section in there, which if I may add, at my mall, that section is tiny, and I can't find the same dresses in there. I thought that they were just so inconsiderate.

I just walked out of there, my mom trailing behind, she kept calling to me, but I kept walking because I was so angry, and I was about to cry, and I knew that I wasn't going to be able to hold the tears back for long. I didn't want people passing by me and seeing that I was crying.

That was such a terrible moment.

Ugh.

Find the motivation within yourself.

P.s Scroll down towards the bottom, and on the right you will find my music player, pause it if you need to.